We Bajans love to laugh as much as anyone. Although funerals are sad and emotional occasions, that doesn’t mean we can’t lighten the burden with some humour. Here are some funny quotes about death and funerals I found as I was trawling the internet. Believe it or not, some people actually use these in eulogies!

On Death

“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
– Woody Allen

“Dead man cyaan run from ‘e own coffin.”
– Bajan proverb

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”
– Isaac Asimov

“Sickness an’ death does mek alteration.”
– Bajan proverb

On Funerals

“A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing women — all at the same time. It was a lovely funeral.”
– Unknown

“In the final analysis, it’s true that fame is unimportant. No matter how great a man is, the size of his funeral usually depends on the weather.”
– Rosemary Clooney

“If you don’t go to other people’s funerals, they won’t go to yours.”
– Bob Monkhouse

“They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.”
– Garrison Keillor

“In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.”
– George Ade

On Eulogies

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realise I’m listening to it.”
– George Carlin

“A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.”
– Irvin S Cobb

On Life after Death

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. ”
– Winston Churchill

“For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.”
– Johnny Carson

“My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?”
– Margaret Smith

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it through not dying. ”
– Woody Allen

“I don’t mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day.”
– George Axlerod

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